self help books

The self- help phenominum has empowered us all to manipulate the social constructs around us.
if it works for me its gonna work for you. It will work for you . follow me.

many of the characters are based on types in this book

Dealing with people you can't stand.

you can read a great deal of it here

In it various difficult personality types are listed (generally with very militaristic names), and tips on what their personality is and how it can be "decommissioned" using various techniques, incidentally if your wondering where this book is coming from intellectually there is a very small, very telling section at the back entitled "What if people can't stand me?", the author doesn't nesiceraly think this is a problem....

Here's a review
The concept of this book is pretty simple and straightforward: choose a person you can't stand, identify which of the 10 personality types mentioned in the book they most closely match, and follow the specific recommendations to immunize yourself against further annoyance. The 10 types listed in the book are:
1. The Tank
2. The Sniper
3. The Grenade
4. The Know-It-All
5. The Think-They-Know-It-All
6. The Yes Person
7. The Maybe Person
8. The Nothing Person
9. The No Person
10. The Whiner
The book is divided into two main sections. The first section focuses on communication - specifically, around effective practices and common mistakes. Active listening, tone of voice, and other skills are highlighted here and this section is a blend of theory and broadly actionable advice.
The second section of the book highlights each of the 10 personality types listed above and gives "teachable equivalent" ways to deal with them effectively. Each of the ten chapters in the section starts with a fictitious scenario that will be familiar to anyone who has worked with people (as opposed to dogs and trees). Action steps are outlined for dealing with the personality type, along with some background and reasoning for the recommendations. Finally, the fictitious scenario is revisited, this time with a resolution aided with the chapter's recommendations.

here is a rough apraise of the 10 personality types, and how t combat them


Following is a brief summary of each of the ten "unwanted behaviors" described in the book:


Positive Intent: Get the task done.
Characteristics: Tanks are controlling, assertive, aggressive, and confrontational, and have short attention spans.
Your Goal: Command the Tank's respect.

Communication Plan:
* Hold your ground when she approaches.
* Tactfully interrupt the attack by repeating her name. Do not counterattack.
* Quickly backtrack the main point to show that you understand the situation.
* Redirect the Tank by showing how you share a common goal of getting the task done.
* Maintain peace and earn her respect by assigning a time and conditions for following up on the issue once she has cooled down.

For example, "Boss, Boss, Boss. I understand that you think the budget should be finished by now, but I believe that the extra time I'm investing in the budget now will end up saving us time and money in the future. I'll be finished with the budget by io am tomorrow, and I look forward to your feedback."


Positive Intent: Get the task done and/or get appreciation.
Characteristics: Snipers try to make you look foolish through rude comments, sarcastic behavior, and focusing negative attention on you.
Your Goal: Bring the Sniper out of hiding.

Communication Plan:
* As soon as the Sniper snipes, stop what you're doing, and backtrack whatever he said.
* Remain calm and ask questions to determine the relevancy or meaning of his snide comment(s).
* Determine why the Sniper may have a grudge against you.
* Suggest solutions for a civil future.

There is also "Friendly Sniping," which typically is done in a playful way. In such cases, the Sniper's primary intention is getting appreciation through attention-getting comments. In this type of situation, it is best to address the Sniper in private by communicating your feelings directly. The Sniper may not have realized he was upsetting you and may change his behavior quickly.


Positive Intent: Get the task done.
Characteristics: Know-It-Alls are confident, knowledgeable, and competent. They have a low tolerance for errors and contradictions, and they often view new ideas unfavorably.
Your Goal: Open the person's mind to new ideas.

Communication Plan:
* Be prepared by knowing your stuff.
* Backtrack her views respectfully to acknowledge her expertise.
* Address your own doubts about your idea before the Know-It-All has a chance to do so, and then present a solution or reasoning for backing your ideas.
* Present your views indirectly: "I believe...," "Perhaps..." "Maybe..."
* Turn the person into a mentor.


Positive Intent: Be appreciated.
Characteristics: Grenades unexpectedly blow up about things that do not relate to the current situation because they do not feel appreciated. Grenades typically feel remorse over their actions after the blow-up.
Your Goal: Take control of the situation.

Communication Plan:
* Get the Grenade's attention by using a friendly tone and language.
* Aim for the Grenade's heart by showing your genuine concern for his problem.
* Reduce the intensity of the blow-up by talking him down to a normal level of communication.
* Give the Grenade time to cool off before pursuing a discussion or resolution.
* Prevent future grenade attacks by finding out what sets him off.


Positive Intent: Be appreciated.
Characteristics: Think-They-Know-It-Alls are assertive and attention-seeking. They learn just enough about a subject to sound as if they know it all. They exaggerate often and may believe what they say.
Your Goal: Catch her in the act, and stop the flow of wrong information.

Communication Plan:
* Give the person a little attention through backtracking.
* Ask some revealing clarification questions in order to get specifics: Who, specifically? What day?
* Tell the facts using documented information.
* Give her a break and resist the temptation to embarrass her. Have compassion.
* Break the cycle through gentle confrontation.

Positive Intent: To get along with others.
Characteristics: The Yes Person says "yes" to everything in an attempt to gain approval from others. He commits to too many things and then has difficulty following through.
Your Goal: Get commitments you can count on.

Communication Plan:
* Make it safe for him to be honest with you when he cannot commit to helping you.
* Acknowledge his honesty and clear communication.
* Help him learn how to plan.
* Ensure commitment by having him summarize the commitment, write down the commitment, and/or write down the negative consequences if he does not follow through.
* Strengthen the relationship by having him talk about his feelings; focus on what he does correctly; and project positive intent.

For example: "Student worker, I know you are expected to help many different people in our department, so please come talk to me whenever you are overburdened with projects. We can work together to figure out how you can prioritize your time and finish your projects. Also, I will not be upset if you cannot help me with my report on Monday. However, if you tell me you can finish my report in time for my meeting but end up not having time to do it, I'll be very disappointed. I will look unprepared for my meeting and will lose the respect of my coworkers. I know you are a hard worker and do so much for our department, so I want you to know you can always talk to me."


Positive Intent: Get along with others.
Characteristics: The Maybe Person cannot make decisions for fear of the consequences and procrastinates to the point where the decision makes itself.
Your Goal: Help the person learn to think decisively.

Communication Plan:
* Establish and maintain a comfort zone and listen to her concerns.
* Surface conflicts and clarify her options.
* Use a decision- making system such as listing the pros and cons of a certain decision.
* Reassure her that there are no perfect decisions and then ensure follow- through of her decision.


Positive Intent: Get along with others and/or be appreciated.
Characteristics: Nothing Persons give no verbal feedback.
Your Goal: Persuade the person to talk.

Communication Plan:
* Plan enough time and be patient. The Nothing Person may take time to open up.
* Ask open-ended questions expectantly: "What are your thoughts on this issue?"
* Use humor and outlandish exaggerations or suggestions to get him to react and to ease any tension.
* Propose a certain answer and wait to see if he responds.
* Reference future consequences if he decides to remain silent.

Positive Intent: Get the task right.
Characteristics: The No Person is focused on perfection, fearful of making mistakes, and believes everything will go wrong. The No Person finds the negative in everything and everyone and passes her negativity on to others.
Your Goal: Transition to problem solving.

Communication Plan:
* Do not waste your time trying to make her be positive. Do not let her bring you down.
* Use her as a resource. She can be your early warning system for potential issues since she always looks for the negative anyway.
* Do not push her to take action; this will only slow her down. Give her time to change her mind and communicate her thoughts.
* Assume the worst before she has the chance to do so. For example, bring up the negatives before she does; this may force her to see some of the positives.
* Acknowledge her good intent by praising her for her concern for details and for her high standards. This may change her outlook on issues, events, and morale.


Positive Intent: Get the task right.
Characteristics: Whiners are unable to focus on what is right in any given situation. Whiners wallow in their worries and rarely offer solutions.
Your Goal: Form a problem-solving alliance.

Communication Plan:
* Listen for the main points and write them down. This shows the Whiner that you are listening, and it can prevent the Whiner from having the opportunity to repeat what was already said.
* Tactfully interrupt and ask the Whiner for help in clarifying the specifics of his issue.
* Shift the focus to solutions by asking him what he wants accomplished; then, develop a solution that focuses on the immediate future. For example, "Whiner, let's meet again next month to see whether it is feasible to cut $200 weekly from your budget."
* Draw the line: If he is unwilling to work toward a solution and continues to whine, tell him through verbal and non-verbal communication that you do not want to hear his complaints. For example, "Whiner, your concerns are important to me, but there is no point in discussing this issue further if nothing can be resolved."